Cauliflower Pizza and Other Crimes Against Humanity: My AIP Journey…

"Embarking on the AIP Diet: Because Who Needs Joy Anyway?"

Ah, the Autoimmune Protocol (#AIP) diet. The latest trend in the ever-expanding universe of "let’s make eating as complicated as humanly possible." If you’ve ever thought to yourself, "I wish I could spend more time reading labels, crying in grocery store aisles, and explaining to friends why I can’t eat the bread they lovingly baked for me," then congratulations! The #AIPdiet is here to make your dreams come true.

For those blissfully unaware, the AIP diet is like the #Paleo diet’s stricter, more judgmental older sibling. It’s designed to help people with #autoimmune diseases by eliminating literally everything that makes food enjoyable. #Gluten? Gone. #Dairy? Don’t even think about it. #Nightshades? Not a chance. #Eggs? Nope. #Nuts? LOL, no. #Coffee? Oh, you sweet summer child. The AIP diet looks at your favorite foods, laughs maniacally, and tosses them into the abyss.

But hey, who needs flavor when you can have health, right?

Sure, you’ll miss the comforting crunch of a potato chip or the creamy delight of cheese, but think of all the opportunities this diet opens up! Like discovering that #cauliflower can, in fact, be mashed, riced, or turned into a sad, cheese-less pizza crust. Or learning that #coconutaminos are a thing that exists (spoiler: they taste nothing like soy sauce, but you’ll pretend they do because you have no other options).

And let’s not forget the social aspect!

Nothing says "fun" like showing up to a dinner party with your own #Tupperware of steamed chicken and zucchini while everyone else indulges in garlic bread and wine. You’ll be the life of the party as you explain, for the 47th time, why you can’t have even a bite of the chocolate cake. “But it’s gluten-free!” they’ll say, as if that magically erases the fact that it’s also packed with sugar, dairy, and your inevitable despair.

But it’s not all doom and gloom!

The #AIP diet also offers a unique opportunity to flex your creativity. Who knew you could make so many things out of #cassava flour? Or that you’d develop a deep, emotional bond with your spiralizer as it transforms yet another zucchini into "pasta"? You’ll become a master of substitution, a wizard of weird ingredients, and a connoisseur of foods you never knew existed (#tigernut flour, anyone?).

And let’s be real

There’s something oddly satisfying about the sheer discipline of it all. While everyone else is out there living their best lives, eating tacos and drinking margaritas, you’ll be at home, sipping bone broth and feeling morally superior. After all, you’re not just eating—you’re #healing. Or at least that’s what you’ll tell yourself as you Google “AIP-friendly dessert recipes” at 11 p.m.

and remember…. It’s not forever… for most people this is temporary till your gut heals and your blood work improves. Then we will go back over the fun adventures of slowly adding things back…(cue the suspenseful music!)

But Wait, There’s Hope! (Sort Of.)

If the thought of spending hours in the kitchen prepping AIP-approved meals makes you want to curl up in the fetal position, fear not! The modern world has heard your cries of despair and responded with... meal delivery services. Yes, even the AIP diet has been commodified for your convenience. Because nothing says "wellness" like outsourcing your meals to a stranger in a commercial kitchen.

Here are a few services that cater to the AIP crowd, because apparently, there’s a market for people who want to eat like medieval peasants but don’t have the time to churn their own butter:

1. Paleo On The Go(patleoonthego.com)

   This service offers AIP-compliant meals that are pre-made and shipped to your door. Think grass-fed beef stew, coconut curry chicken, and other dishes that sound fancy but are really just meat and vegetables in disguise. It’s like having a personal chef, if your personal chef were also a drill sergeant who hates fun.

   
   

2. The Good Kitchen(thegoodkitchen.com)

   Another option for those who want to eat AIP without actually cooking. Their meals are Paleo-based but offer AIP-friendly options, like herb-roasted pork and garlicky greens. Just be prepared to pay a premium for the privilege of not having to spiralize your own zucchini.

   
   

3. Sunbasket(sunbasket.com)

   Sunbasket has a "Paleo" meal plan that can be customized to fit AIP guidelines. They send you pre-portioned ingredients and recipes, so you still have to cook, but at least you don’t have to figure out what the heck tigernut flour is or where to buy it. Bonus: their packaging is eco-

   friendly, so you can feel good about the planet while you cry into your AIP-approved dinner.

   
   

4. Epicured(epicure.com)

   While not exclusively AIP, Epicured offers low-FODMAP and gluten-free meals that can sometimes be adapted for AIP. It’s a bit of a gamble, but hey, living on the edge is what keeps life exciting, right?

   
   

5. Local Meal Prep Services

   Don’t forget to check out local meal prep companies in your area. Many are jumping on the AIP bandwagon and offering pre-made meals that fit the protocol. Sure, you might have to explain what AIP is to the person taking your order, but that’s just another opportunity to feel smug about your dietary choices.

So, if you’re ready to say goodbye to convenience, spontaneity, and the simple pleasure of eating a slice of pizza without overthinking it, then the AIP diet is for you! Sure, it’s restrictive, time-consuming, and occasionally soul-crushing, but hey—at least you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you’re doing something really hard. And with meal delivery services, you can outsource some of the misery. Isn’t modern technology amazing?

Bon appétit, or whatever the AIP-approved version of that is.

#AIPLife – Because living without joy is a lifestyle choice.

#CauliflowerIsLife – When it’s your only hope for pizza, rice, and mashed “potatoes."

#HealingIsHard – Said while glaring at someone eating a donut.

#WhatEvenIsFlavor – A daily existential crisis.

#TigernutTears – For when you realize it’s not actually a nut (or a tiger).

#BoneBrothBae – The only relationship you’re committed to right now.

#AIPStruggleBus – All aboard for the ride of your life.

#NoPizzaNoProblem – Said through gritted teeth.

#MealPrepMisery – Because cooking should feel like a part-time job.

#AutoimmuneWarrior – Fighting the good fight, one zucchini noodle at a time.